RogerBy Roger the Scanner Guy
Thatan’s Toilet… I woke up feeling like total crap at 2:45 am the other morning, throat sore dry nose stuffed up. Some homeless guy was walking up and down the friggen driveway yelling gibberish. He would not shut the HELL up! I wanted to go out there with my club and hit a home run, knock his ass outta the park! Why can’t he go to Hope Ranch and talk that Gibberish, why in the HELL do I have to listen to it!? What am I, cursed? He kept it up too then I heard a door open and close, Thatan’s toilet he found the Shitter Praise ye the Lord! I heard Angels singing or maybe it was the farting. Now I was awake and feeling crappy I sat up for second then have laid down started falling asleep I was just about there….”Blah!!!Blah!!!Blah!!! These Rich Assholes Wake Up Banana Heads! Wake Up!!!!!” Son of a bitch! I called the police……
I was up again turned on the scanner. A couple seconds later “55 to car 54…car 54? Yea that crazy guy on South Milpas who thinks he’s Roger Dodger is calling again he says some transient is over there yelling at Thatans Toilet can you go check?” “Yep car 54 over and out.” I did not hear the jerk anymore he was gone walking down the street everything was quiet. Crap I thought cops are going to think I’m crazy I shouldn’t have called Crap! A couple minutes later the Flashlight shining in the window, cops walking around no sound from the idiot. “Bass Turd I thought…” out loud but not loud enough for the cops to hear. I hid under my covers…Few moments later I was having problems I started feeling real crappy all stuffed up couldn’t breathe too well I thought of calling 911 again “Shit they are going to lock me up in the loony bin and throw away the key say I’m hearing voices some imaginary guy screaming at Thatan’s toilet maybe it’s me maybe there was no one maybe it was me screaming I have to go to the toilet!” And so I went, and went, and went no more sleep for me this night I still feel like crap.
Scanner Reports…WEDnesday:
- Suspicious vehicle a black van 500 Block of East Pedregosa, Asian male gets out and walks up and down driveways looking into houses got back in his van drove away last seen North on Garden.
- Code 40, Drunk down in front of Dave’s auto repair 132 South Milpas in the parking lot.
- Eviction Motel 6 North in Carpinteria.
- Check the welfare of a male face down in the grass 1400 Block of Shoreline.
- 484 Shoplifter at Goodwill 302 West Carrillo HMA wearing sunglasses and a hat in his 40’s on going problem with this guy today they got back what he took.
- Suspicious vehicle a black Honda in the 1900 Block of Cleveland possible H&S Involved. I think the vehicle turned out to be stolen and it was an Acura not a Honda either way pretty sure they got the car and the subject inside.
- 211 Silent Alarm 1033 Anacapa American Riveria Bank no answer….It was ok accidental activation no robbery.
- Homeless man in the planter at Marshalls 900 Block of Anacapa.
- Check the welfare of a 60 year old man panhandling at Santa Cruz Market with a 30 year old female 324 West Montecito.
- Cliff and Meggs UI Female running in traffic.
- Medical call for a female at the Library 40 East Anapamu.
- 415 Fight at Butterfly Beach 3 or 4 subjects involved someone mentioned a knife non seen. A couple moments later Medic’s were requested for a head injury.
- Medical call 700 Block of Garden.
- Medical call 500 Block of Bath for a Fall Victim.
- 415 Subject at Trader Joes 222 North Milpas yelling at the security guard challenging, yelling at customers wearing an orange vest.
- 415 Subject yelling 1001 State street.
- Subject refusing to leave EDD 130 East Ortega taking pictures.
- Wells Fargo 3804 State in the back parking lot, white male dressed all in black talking about shooting people and pointing at them.
Scanner Reports, Thursday:
- Male seen walking down the bike path West from Patterson in Goleta carrying firearms, Sheriff checked don’t think he was ever found.
- Crime reported by telephone in the County Identity theft.
- Mary 3 at the station on a public accident report.
- Neighbors not getting along 6600 Block of Trigo, one neighbor was pouring eggs and some other liquid on a neighbors balcony?
- Theft investigation 1300 Block of Cedar Road.
- Traffic Hazard highway 101 Southbound at Mission guy talking to his car blocking the right lane…Actual report “Man appeared to be talking to his car.”
- Fall victim broken wrist 227 West Haley at New House.
- Subject waving his arms in the air Montecito at Milpas streets.
- 911 Follow up at the Veterans Clinic 4440 Calle Real.
- Subject who thinks she is wanted trying to turn herself in in the 1600 Block of Anacapa.
- Assist the checker units at 1200 San Pascual with false license plates.
- Subject refusing to leave Cottage ER because they don’t think they were cared for the way they should have been, no comment from Roger Dodger on that call.
- Medical call 300 Block of Lake View in Santa Maria.
- Ill subject on Ocean View.
- Medical call 6500 Block of Seville.
- Check the welfare of a subject down in front of a fire hydrant in front of McDonalds 3940 State street.
- Burglary 3800 Block of Los Padres.
- Medical call Patterson by the Tracks under the bridge possible overdose.
- H&S Violation at SBJH 700 Block of East Cota
- Subject refusing to leave a court yard in the 900 Block of Castillo.
Will I came down with something about 2:00 a.m. yesterday, could hardly breathe, aches and pains, blowing my nose like Niagara Falls, all stopped up. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and I got asthma so I went to Cottage. I was dizzy so they checked me for a stroke. They checked me out and cut me loose. I feel worse now, I walked all the way home, that really hurt. There is not enough TP in the World to blow all this snot out of my head. I hate being sick. Anyway, I’m down…You know when a little kid is talking to you and you cannot tell what they are saying cause they are a kid? Yea my neighbor’s kid visits me all the time. I could have sworn he said to me “My Grand Father eats mice.” I said, “Mice I eat them all the time in the frying pan with eggs, mice sand witches at lunch, in the crock pot at dinner me and Joey the Cannoli we eat mice all the time!” Kid got a funny look on his face and ran off. Oh Well….Anyway Have a Great Weekend..Peter, Belinda, Angel Baby, Pooh Bear, Thomicina, Midnight, Merlin, Tiger, Clancy, Fish Head One, Poncho, Jerry, Walter, Fred, Jonathan, C.J., Brad, Billy, Carl, Stan, Kent, Elmo Patrick, Christy, Diana, Jim, Rambo, Sherry, Bommy, Poppy, June, Muskie, David Cox, Poe, Bengy, Ricky, Marty, Cop John, Pat, Mavis, Magruder, Don, Edwin, Cory, Isabelle, Jerry, LUCY! John Hancock, Micky Mantle, Ernie Banks, Ron Santo, Tom Petty and Chris willing we will see you on MONday, I hope. Later, Roger
